| Decatur Country Club - Golfmeister Wins Award |
Decatur, Alabama, August 5,
2006
Golfmeister achieved a major milestone in his long life
today when he was inducted into the Terry Family as an honorary member
just before teeing off in the Weenies' Sunday golf match.. The award
was presented by Wally Terry, DCC patriarch of the local clan. Wally
was chosen to speak at the ceremony because he is the only Terry in
Morgan County or Lawrence County who does not have a cleft palate (is he
adopted?). Wally's kid brother Ricky, who is only slightly impaired,
missed the ceremony when he had to take his sister, wife and cousin (all
the same person) to a possum roast in Moulton.
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| An Honorary Terry |
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For those who do not know, the Terry family is the
largest family group in North Alabama, having over 1000 members (some
legitimate). Over 500 meet annually in Moulton on Labor Day for the
Terry family reunion. That seems somewhat unnecessary since every date
and every marriage ceremony is already a family reunion, but what do I
know. The 2000 U.S. census for Lawrence County did list three Hispanics
who are not yet members of the family, though they will no doubt be
selected as fresh breeding material shortly. The family is descended
from Grampa "Possum" Big Ears Terry who immigrated to Lawrence County
from Tibet in the sixteenth century. Large ears have characterized all
family members ever since Great Grampa Terry got drunk and slept with an
elephant one night shortly before coming to this country with his
family. The Weenies golf group is actually full of Terrys besides Wally
and Ricky. Fortunately, some, like Doug Fisher, are only related by
marriage.
As part of his honor, Golfmeister received an official
invitation to this year's family reunion (reprinted below), an evening
with the sheep of my choice from Wally's Escort Service, a Roadkill
Recipe Book, and a temporary pair of large ears (see picture above)
which will be replaced with permanent ears at the next reunion. I can't
wait to get my real ears. I feel inadequate with my temporary ears
since they are so much smaller than Ricky's real ones.
Golfmeister was so overcome by this honor that he lost
both his composure and his golf game, shooting a fat 84 and losing $7.00
during today's match. And now he must spend the rest of the evening
wondering if he will need Viagra before his night out with the
sheep. Golfmeister promises to be vigilant while out with this divine
creature, there are many frightening stories of people being fleeced
while out with strange females. He vows no conniving female will pull
the wool over his eyes, regardless of how attractive she is. He spent
all afternoon walking around the house humming and singing "I Only Have
Eyes For Ewe".
I must go now - the Decatur Daily is calling for an
interview (and I need to look through the Moulton Livestock Journal).
Golfmeister
THE TERRY
CLUB
OFFICIAL STATIONERY
John;
These ears are your official invitation for full
admittance to the TERRY REUNION this coming labor day weekend. You shall
wear these ears at all times while on this sacred ground. Failure to do
so will subject you to a life of TERRY scorn.
Notwithstanding your failure to abide by all rules of
said reunion, you will then be eligible for custom fitted ears which are
to remain on premise and only worn during events in which big ears are
normally worn.
It is with happy hearts and the grace of TERRY'S past
and present that this presentation is made.
RICK TERRY
Grandson of Possum Big Ear TERRY
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